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Community Corner

It's Her Birthday and I'll Pine If I Want To

A child's birthday is a time for reflection, taking stock, and being nostalgic about stuff that just happened a few years ago.

Today is my daughter’s 7th birthday. April of 2004—what a great time to procreate.

Is it too soon to get nostalgic for the Oughts? Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, William Hung, Hoobastank. But forget about that stuff. What? You already have? Good!  Because all that you need to remember from that time is what celebrities were pregnant at the same time as me. In case you don’t have that information at your fingertips, let me just remind you that I was pregnant alongside the likes of Courtney Cox and Gwyneth Paltrow.

In my head, Court, Gwynnie and I were forever comparing notes about our pregnancies and swapping ideas for nursery décor. Well, there was that one time when it wasn’t so much in my head and then there was the small matter of a restraining order, but other than that we were best buds! As luck would have it, we all had baby girls within weeks of each other and we’ve been imaginary friends ever since. 

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The three of us agreed that spring is an awesome time to have a baby. You avoid being ginormously preggers during the sweltering summer months. You give birth at a time when the whole world is in bloom and coming to life. And, rather than being cooped up with a newborn during the dreary winter months, you can quickly get out and about to show off your new $700 Bugaboo stroller. Well, for me it was a Graco, but still.

April means spring showers, tax time, Easter (most years), taking the Christmas wreath down off of the garage (every year), and now, most importantly, my little sweetie’s birthday. It also means starting to panic about how many weeks are left in the school year when I see all of the camp listings in Chicago Parent and how I (hyperventilating now) must get her signed up for something before everything fills up. But mostly her birthday.

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As it happens, April is also Autism Awareness Month. Apparently it has been so since the 1970s but I seem to have only become aware of it in recent years. I’m not sure if that’s just because I became the parent of a child with autism, or if it’s gotten more traction in the media, or both.

Either way, I now have multiple reasons to pause at this time of year and reflect on my daughter’s life to this point, and the progress that she’s made. It’s natural to reflect back on that day—the “birth story” and all of the hopes and dreams you have for your child that culminate at the moment that you finally lay eyes on them. 

You take stock of where they are developmentally and which milestones have been met or are yet to be achieved. I can remember hoping and praying that my daughter would walk by her second birthday (she did), be potty-trained by four (she wasn’t) and be in a general education classroom by six (she still isn’t). 

People always say how time flies, and that you wake up one day and your child is all grown up.  You wish that you could stop time and keep them little. But life as a special needs parent is different. I want to fast forward so badly. I want to cut to the chase and see if she’s alright—if she’ll go to college, hold a job and be able live independently. 

I’d better hope so. Because I’m getting the distinct impression that Coco and Apple may not be there for her.

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