Toward an Amicable and Mutually Acceptable Settlement

It’s a much happier-ever-after ending than under traditional circumstances.

When a married couple decides to go their separate ways, it need not be an antagonistic proceeding filled with anger and hostility. Downers Grove attorney Theresa Beran Kulat is an expert in collaborative divorce law, which is an emerging practice, based on the commitment by both spouses to dissolve the marriage, but without causing further destruction to their relationship.

“When people finish, they’re happy. It’s not the norm otherwise,” Kulat said.

She was at the forefront of the collaborative law movement, which began about 10 years ago. Leading a spiritual retreat in 2000, Kulat came to the realization that there had to be an effective way to practice law while remaining true to her spiritual self.

“It counters what people tend to think about lawyers, but it’s where the real work is to embody peace, to embody compassion, and to sit with people in a collaborative process,” Kulat said. 

“Divorce is really traumatic for people and if you put them in a system where they feed the anger and violence, it gets worse," she said. "With the collaborative process on the other hand, people have a place to acknowledge the emotion. They have access to coaches or therapists that can help them manage their emotions so that we can get them outcomes that are more holistic.”

Specially trained attorneys guide their clients through the collaborative divorce process. The end objective is an amicable and mutually agreed upon settlement, in which both parties are invested.

A traditional divorce system is not designed to heal. “It’s designed to resolve property disputes and decide who gets the kids, when. If people are angry going into the divorce, the process can exacerbate this,” Kulat said. “In the collaborative world, by design, we’re putting the clients into the drivers’ seats because they need to live with the result. They’ve been an integral part of the whole negotiation process and come up with agreements on their own, with our help. There’s more buy-in.”

The collaborative divorce proceedings begin when both parties agree to hire attorneys only for settlement. “If settlement breaks down and either party wants to fight, they have to fire those attorneys and get new ones," Kulat said. "This means the attorneys are focused on settlement. If they don’t settle, they’re gone.”

This changes the objectives, tone, intent, proceeding and outcome of the process with a more positive and mutually acceptable end result.

An important aspect of collaborative practice is presence of a team of professionals available to help the couple in whatever capacity they might need. For instance, if the husband owns a business and the financial ramifications of a split are not straight forward, the parties will consult with a financial neutral.

“Instead of battling experts, we have one neutral expert," Kulat said. "If the kid issues are complex, then we use a neutral child specialist.

Also available is a divorce coach who is a trained mental health professional qualified to help with emotional issues. “You don’t really want an attorney at $300 per hour to listen to you talk about your husband’s girlfriend," she said. "It’s better to have someone that can help you through the issue.” Some couples utilize the entire team, others don’t. 

Kulat said that the main benefit of collaborative divorce is that both parties take ownership and consequently the results are more sustainable. “People are likely to honor and feel satisfied with their outcome,” she said. Additionally, “if the parties want to get healed, with this holistic approach they can because there are professionals who expand the definition of the outcomes beyond the balance sheet.  In the traditional legal system, it’s about who gets more toys at the end of the day.” 

The collaborative divorce process allows for people to maintain “healthy relationships when the process is over, as opposed to being invested in anger,” Kulat said.

The most important benefit of a successful collaborative divorce is the preservation of the emotional well-being of the kids. “Some people have said that kids from broken homes have bad outcomes. Research shows however that it’s not whether or not the parents are married or divorced that indicates children’s well-being. It’s actually their ability to handle conflict," Kulat said. "By having a divorce that uses conflict constructively, they’re modeling really good behavior for their children.”

The collaborative process is so effective, that Kulat is gradually applying it to other areas beyond family law.

“It can be used for employment disputes, probate disputes, family businesses going through transitions and construction,” she said. “Texas does a lot of collaborative law for construction disputes. When there’s a general contractor, subcontractors and an owner all trying to figure things out and the clock is ticking, things can be done much more quickly collaboratively.

"People are seeing that the collaborative way gets them better results and more quickly,” she said. “When collaborative lawyers are called in, it’s not so much about lawsuits as much as it is about getting the process completed while keeping the costs down and the relationships maintained.”

For additional information on Theresa Beran Kulat & Associates, P.C., visit www.integralfamilylaw.com or call 630-960-4656.