I like to torment myself sometimes by reading parenting advice columns. As the parent of a special needs child, I like to see how the other half lives and make sure that my “Nice Problems to Have” file is never depleted. Whereas parents of typically developing children might worry about their kids being overly influenced by friends, parents of kids with autism would be happy if there were friends. Siblings that are constantly fighting? Be happy that they acknowledge each other’s existence.  I’m thinking of introducing an advice column where questions like these are fielded by a panel of …

It’s the time of the year for portrait sittings. My daughter’s school picture has already been purchased, taken, and received. In that order. I hate having to commit to buying it before I see it. I’ve learned by now to always go for the bottom-of-the-line $14 package of a class photo and eight wallets. And I could still wallpaper a small bathroom with the leftover wallets that I’ve collected. School pictures really have no chance of turning out well, for the obvious reason that I am not present for them. See, I’m kind of a crazed-lunatic-stage-mom about portrait sittings. Think Toddlers & …

Hoarding seems to be all the rage these days, and I wonder what it is about this moment in history that has brought out this particular brand of crazy in the human race. I suppose some will try to make the case, as they frequently do with autism, that this disorder has always been around and has just now been given a fancy label. To which I say what I always say: I sure don’t remember being around tons of people like this when I was growing up to the point where I said to myself “There really oughta be a name for that.” But these days you can’t hardly swing a dead cat without hitting someone …

When I was a kid, I used to go to a lot of those backyard carnivals to benefit Jerry’s Kids. Do they still have those? I think you used to request a kit from the Muscular Dystrophy Association and they’d send you a booklet of ideas, some posters, a Tilt-A-Whirl, two bearded ladies, and a syphilitic roustabout. I never hosted one myself so I could be wrong on some of that. Anyway, I remember one in particular that had a fortune teller’s tent.  I went in and a little girl in a genie costume read me a prefab fortune off of a sheet of paper. Upon leaving the tent, I proceeded to mercilessly mock …

I was 40 years old when I had my one and only child.  Yes, I’m one of those older parents.  This has been on my mind because I have my 30th high school reunion coming up in a few weeks, and I will be one of the few with a child as young as seven.  I know for a fact that more than a few of my former classmates are already grandparents.  So I’m bracing for a lot of the thank-God-mine-are-grown-I-can’t-imagine-still-having-little-ones-running-around-so-glad-I’m-done-with-that attitude. To which I will smile and picture them changing stinky diapers and wiping snotty noses in their 20’s and 30’s …

The “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster that was issued by the British government during the early days of World War II has recently re-emerged as a popular image, presumably as words to live by in our current climate of global unrest and economic instability. It has spawned dozens of variations, including the fitting companion piece “Now Panic and Freak Out,” as well as wacky knockoffs like “Stay Flaky and Eat Cake”, “Drink Lots and Pass Out”, and “Insult Family and Leave in a Huff”. Coincidentally, those last three taken together describe every get-together of my family for the last 40 years. I…

It seems that every generation has an image or design that becomes a part of pop culture and makes its way onto clothing, home furnishings, everyday objects, and all manner of tchotchke. In the 70s, it was peace signs, smiley faces, and the Love Story “LOVE” design. In the 80s, I can remember that everything my high school BFF owned had to have either strawberries or rainbows on it. After that, I sort of lost track. Hearts? Butterflies?   It seems to my cynical soul that everything became more media-influenced and dominated by Disney and other cartoon characters. I can remember my oldest …

I'm sitting downstairs, with my daughter supposedly sleeping upstairs. I simultaneously hear the thunderous storm outside, that dead-duck sound of everything powering down, and her screaming, "OH NO!  MY AAAAANGEL!!!!" It seems her guardian angel took a powder along with the electricity. The guardian angel, who also happens to double as a night light. It's really hard to explain to any child, let alone a child with autism, what electricity is and how it makes the angel glow and how, no, I can't fix it by putting in a new light bulb like last time, all while wondering if the house was headed …

It was my daughter’s last week of school last week, and, like a lot of schools, they scheduled a theme for each day. You know, Spirit Week. Which we celebrate in this household by completely forgetting about it until about 15 minutes before we’re due to leave the house, at which point I start pulling out some options, which my daughter chooses from and then changes her mind one or five times, and then I lose patience and tell her she’s going to be late and make up her mind, and then she starts crying and we fight until the bus comes. You know, Spirit Week. Day 1: Pajama Day I am not a fan. I …

I’m about to make what I think is a very important decision regarding my daughter’s future: her fall classroom placement. She currently attends a private school for children with autism. In the biz this is referred to as a “self-contained environment,” which is yet another bit of Orwellian school-speak that just means she is in a classroom exclusively with other children on the autism spectrum.  My choices are to keep her at that school, transfer her to a different self-contained classroom that would also provide some opportunity for “mainstreaming” into general education classrooms, or to …

In addition to contributing to the Patch, I have a not-for-profit gig called blogging. People blog for various reasons:  to share pictures and news with distant friends and family members, to connect with other bloggers within their niche, as an outlet for writing, or as a cheap form of therapy. I blog for all of those reasons, but also because I was told that I had to.  You see, I have been writing a book about life with my daughter. I am just about halfway through a blackly humorous memoir covering the early days of discovering she has autism and the effect that it had on our family and my …

When I first had my daughter, I swore that I wasn’t going to be one of those overscheduling parents who was constantly chauffeuring her from ballet to soccer to piano lessons to play dates.  Don’t ask me why I remember this, but around that time I saw Goldie Hawn on Larry King lamenting the lack of free time that kids have these days. I’m paraphrasing, because shockingly I can’t find the interview on YouTube, but she said something about how kids should be allowed to just lie out in a meadow watching the breeze blow through blades of grass.  A couple of years later, my daughter was diagnosed …

You know how when you first move into a new place and get a new phone number, and there’s that period of time during which you keep getting calls for the previous holder of the number? Yeah. About how long does that period last usually? A couple of months tops, right? Right. I’ve had my current home phone number for coming up on four years, and I’m still getting calls for the previous business that had the number. Which was Midwest Guns. Which the more astute of you may have figured out sells guns. Also? They hold permit training classes. For which people inquire and enroll and then cancel …

It’s beginning to look a lot like spring time!  Otherwise known around here as that time of year when the temperature starts climbing and you feel like getting outside but the pools aren’t open yet.  At this time of year, sometimes it feels like the only outdoor activity that I can come up with is going to a park. I imagine when parents of typical children choose a park to visit, their criteria is along the lines of which is the closest to stroll to from their manses, pushing perambulators along tree-lined lanes while their sun-kissed moppets laugh and skip along the way. OK, I might have a …

Once in a while as I’m passing by Indian Trail or Puffer elementary school, I see a bright yellow sign with red lettering directing participants to Preschool Screening.  My heart always sinks a little and I get a knot in my stomach at the sight.  My daughter’s autism was already diagnosed by the time we transferred into this school district, so we never participated in a screening. But I know just enough to know that this is where parents take their preschool age children to be evaluated for developmental delays and to see if they might quality for special services from the school district.  …

The scene is the interior of the Downers Grove Public Library’s Junior Room on a recent Saturday morning: “Maddie, have you told your friend your name?” “What a doll she is! Look at that beautiful red hair!  She looks like a Scottish lass.  I can just picture her in tartan plaid!” “You guys are doing a good job together on that puzzle.” “Hannah, are you having fun?” “We’re going to Disney World in March.” “Are you going to have dinner at Cinderella’s castle?” “We’re having lunch there, and then we’re doing this other thing where they can dress up as princesses and put on makeup and stuff.” “…

Have you noticed how all of the snow storms hit when my husband is out of town on business? No? Well, then, you’re just not paying attention. Actually, I love shoveling snow. It’s great exercise and the perfect task for someone who loves to have order in her life. You know what I’m talking about. Everyone has his or her own shoveling system: where you start, in what order you work and which patch of yard, parkway, or dormant flower patch is the recipient of which section of driveway or sidewalk snow.  Yes, I have a nice, neat, orderly system. But if I’m forced to do the job while my daughter …

Taking small children out in public is always a wild card. What parent doesn't have to pack like a Sherpa just for a quick run to the grocery store? A well-prepared mom or dad would never think of leaving the house without sippy cups, snacks, extra diapers, as well as various toys and diversions to get through the checkout line and back home tantrum-free.  As the parent of a 6-year-old with autism, I can attest to the fact that community outings are even more harrowing for parents of special-needs children. Children with autism are prone to sensory overload, have an intense need for sameness …