When Things Get Bad

My roommate and I after I won the MVP Award for wheelchair basketball.
My roommate and I after I won the MVP Award for wheelchair basketball.

I find it very hard to handle my disability when things start to get worse.  I’ll roll to my room and cry, sometimes wanting to stay there for days sleeping on my beanbag.  And yes, I sleep on a 6’x4’ beanbag instead of a bed because I find it more comfortable and better on my body when it comes to nerve pain.  I know curling up in my room is the wrong thing to do, and it’s the support I’ve received in the past that reminds me not to feel too sorry for myself.  Don’t get me wrong: anyone that is going through a hard time is allowed to grieve and get upset.  It’s how long you allow yourself to sulk is the problem.

Recently I’ve had a lot of nerve pain that hasn’t been able to be controlled.  My doctor put me on medication that was supposed to help, but unfortunately I still deal with the constant stabbing pain from hips down.  This pain wakes me up every morning and I need to take medication before I fall back asleep.  At first I was incredibly angry always waking up so early but I now use that time to do things I need to accomplish, and make me more tired, such as doing laundry or other “boring” things.

I was talking to my roommate about this subject and we were discussing how even though we may be in pain and may be suffering, there are people worse than us.  Of course we hate to think of this, but you watch the news daily and see the horrible things that are happening such as shootings, horrible things happening to children by adults, weather that is ruining people’s houses, etc.  Her and I know what may happen down the line with our disabilities, but talking to each other has helped both of us significantly.  Finding someone to talk to about what you are going through, whether you are disabled or not, is something that is very important.  Yes, things may be worse than what we are going through, but having someone to talk to will help you accept what you are going through.

The biggest thing to remember in my opinion is to remember that we all have our weaknesses.  If you feel like crying, cry.  We as humans cannot be strong 100% of the time and we aren’t supposed to be.  I am the type of person who is one to give out advice, but not follow it.  I need to remember that it’s acceptable to break down, just like it is for you too.

Randy F Gollay May 02, 2014 at 08:10 AM
One Republic sings in Counting Stars: " everything that kill's me, make me feel alive!" Things happen for a reason- many times very difficult to figure out but there's always a positive hidden there. You have to search deep within you to find it. Once you figure it out, it will blow your mind! Like you said- people, all people have (bad times/pain) Be tolerant, keep searching for solutions and answers and but hesitate to ask others. Behind every cloud is a silver lining. You have terrific character!!
Nicholas May 02, 2014 at 03:56 PM


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